


Limit Break

by starrylitme



Category: Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Complicated Relationships, Exhibitionism, Explicit Sexual Content, Intimacy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Pre-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Sexual Frustration, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 19:33:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19216072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: Being told he belongs at Hope's Peak is something that Komaeda can't believe. Surely there's a limit to this level of generosity, right?When navigating those boundaries and trying to work out his sense of growing frustration, a seemingly enamored reserve gets involved. Of course, Hinata Hajime just wants to test those limits, too. As well as work out his own frustrations. With that, these two come together as clumsily yet desperately as one can expect.(Written for the KomaHina Secret Exchange.)





	Limit Break

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vhaiada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vhaiada/gifts).



> Finally posted! This fic was a trip and a half to write but I think it turned out pretty well all things considered! I hope I can get more into the swing of...things. Namely smutty things. Especially messy smut. This was fun even though it was also painful.
> 
> I still have a thing for these two having messed up yet intimate relationships. It's like, my brand. I might never change and that's okay.
> 
> But yeah, this was half-inspired by Scum's Wish which I'm still stupidly fond of. I have other fics I've been meaning to finish based off that, but on the very likely chance I won't finish them, there's at least this for now. Please enjoy! Comments give me hope and life!
> 
> If I had continued this story, it would've gone badly. Just a fun fact. Lol.

_“You say you don’t deserve to be here, but you don’t exactly see yourself as the same as everyone else, do you? Your luck, despite how you downplay it, still sets you apart from others. Am I wrong?”_

_“I...”_

_“Komaeda-kun, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that there’s something special about you.”_

_“But... I...”_

_“Because of that—you match the qualifications. And we would be honored if you allowed yourself this.”_

Honored. What a funny word to use.

Right now, the former class president was giving much the same speech as before. About how they would shape the future, about how they were the seeds of hope. About how they had a shining path before them, about how they would lead the world—and about how their own selves would be irrevocably changed for the more splendid. More sublime.

“With all that said... Welcome to Hope’s Peak Academy!”

There was the round of applause, Komaeda joining in as he trembled, hands so clammy that even his claps didn’t sound quite right.

_Wrong. **Wrong**._

There was so much talent, so much hope surrounding him that he could’ve drowned then and there.

_I don’t belong here. There’s just no way._

He was still quivering as the other students dispersed. Several of them were striking up conversations with one another. Others were laughing. Someone barreled into Komaeda’s back and knocked him down. Whoever it was kept skipping on ahead, and he was left ignored. That was better.

“Oh my! Are you alright?”

Komaeda flinched, eyes wide and skittish as they rose to meet the worried gaze of someone so dazzling that he could barely keep himself from scuttling away like the cockroach he was.

“I... I’m fine. Please, someone like me doesn’t deserve...” He waved his hand, denying the one offered to him. Oh he couldn’t even _dare_ —especially when his own was so disgusting, so _sweaty_. “I’m really fine, haha...!”

He hurriedly pushed himself up.

“Please, um...” He tugs up the hood of his well-worn green jacket. It does not provide nearly as much shelter from such brilliance as he had hoped. “Please don’t mind me.”

“If you say so... Please do be more careful from now on.”

The beautiful person turns on her heel and heads forward. Then and there, Komaeda realizes who he spoke to was an actual princess, and he nearly collapses again.

_An insignificant speck like me...in a place like this..._

He felt like abject _filth_.

* * *

Even standing before the gate, he feels at a complete loss. Other students are pushing past him, and even the slightest brush of contact is causing him to shiver.

_Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Someone like me... Someone like me..._

Enough people have filtered out that he stands there alone. His knees are shaking. He swallows, staring past the gate, eyes wide.

_Someone like me...stepping into such a distinguished place..._

“Are you...alright?”

Komaeda nearly jumped but once he turned, his expression shifted into something strange. He blinks once, twice, at the frowning person before him. That frown deepened, twitching and twisting.

“It’s just,” the words are spoken slowly. “You look like...you’re about to faint...”

There’s a slight breeze. It’s bright out. But any and all light is sucked away into that pure black uniform.

“Oh.” Komaeda blinks again, and again. “You’re from the reserve course, aren’t you?”

The reserve stiffens, head quickly ducking as if to avoid Komaeda’s inquiring eyes.

_Is he ashamed? I suppose he should be. Still... He..._

“Hey...”

“I see you’re fine.” He’s cut off quick enough to experience whiplash. The reserve isn’t looking at him directly, but he’s tense. From his jaw to his shoulders. “That’s good. That’s great. You should hurry on ahead, then. Bye.”

And just like that, the reserve scurried off. Like a scared rodent.

_No—more akin to a mere bug. Someone like this at Hope’s Peak Academy... Haaah._

Well, he can’t really let himself be bested by a reserve while wearing the Hope’s Peak uniform, so Komaeda does step forward. He nearly stumbles but somehow, someway, he does retain his balance.

_Haha._

* * *

The first day goes in a blur. His classmates give their introductions with varying levels of enthusiasm. When Komaeda spoke, stammering and rambling about what it _honor_ it was, how _wonderful_ it was, how **_incredible_** —he received discomfited stares that were all too familiar. He sits down, laughs self-deprecatingly, and tries to divert his gaze from the emitting annoyance of certain classmates.

The teacher isn’t terribly invested in his fumbling, unsurprisingly. And once the air settles, it’s not long before the class disbands to go do their own varied activities. Some of them remain to chat, one of them just so _happens_ to be the one who had checked on him before—but thankfully, she’s distracted by the other girls.

Komaeda sits, he watches, but when one gives him a look of utter disgust, he ends up standing and quickly leaving.

_I really, really am a blight on this place. Aah, what to do._

He ends up going for a stroll. As undeserving as he is, he can’t help but at least want to indulge in getting to tour the school that held the world’s admiration.

The campus size is considerable, and had increased even more recently. Supposedly due to the funding provided by the newly established reserve course.

_The reserve course._

The reserve course existed on the other side of campus. The west district, specifically. He had no real interest in going there even as he did see the building, acknowledging it with his lips pulled into a straight line.

_Those who think they can compensate for greatness with funds are pathetic, for lack of a better word. But if that funding is to Hope’s Peak benefit...can I really complain that much? Especially when someone like me is allowed to be here due to meager lowly luck._

He shakes his head, turning his gaze back to the main building as he continues walking. It stands tall and proud, eclipsing the sun. Such radiance. He really wasn’t worthy at all.

_What can someone like me even provide at all? Ah, if I am to be a stepping stone, then...shouldn’t I push the others further?_

He passes by the statue honoring Kamukura Izuru, the school’s founder. He stares upon it, admires it, and can’t help but smile.

“Aha... Haha... I really shouldn’t bother them. Someone like me—in this kind of setting—I really would only get in the way.”

He sighs, turning on his heel to head the other direction.

“What am I even doing...seriously...?”

He walks and he walks. His legs are starting to hurt considerably so he needs to find a place to sit. He makes his way to the courtyard to take shelter under the trees, off the beaten path so that he wouldn’t be too much of an eyesore. His feet are throbbing so he squeezes them thoughtlessly.

It’s calm. It’s serene. A bird is making its nest. It’s so peaceful that he could fall asleep and never wake up. How unlucky that would be.

He finds his eyes starting to droop anyway.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

“...uh?”

Komaeda’s eyes flicker open. A familiar frowning face greets him.

_How truly unlucky._

“Reserve-san,” Komaeda greeted drearily. “You again.”

“I have a name,” the reserve retorts, unimpressed. “What are you doing? Are you hiding in the bushes? Whatever it is, it’s weird.”

“I fail to see how that concerns you,” Komaeda yawns. “I’ve been walking around...so I’m tired. That’s all it is.” He rubs at his eyes. “Hey, why _are_ you bothering me? Are reserves so desperate for attention that they’ll bother main course students minding their own business? I’m not much of an elite, I’ll have you know.”

“T-That’s not...!” The reserve got flustered. A steaming chestnut, with sharp, shimmering hazel eyes. Actually rather good-looking, if a bit unbearably average. Komaeda blinked up at him innocently and those cheeks only burned hotter. “I was just curious! You look weird! And what do you _mean_ not much of an elite anyway?”

Before Komaeda could answer, the reserve grumbled to himself, clearly agitated.

“If you have a talent, shouldn’t you just be happy about that?”

_Ah. So that’s how it is._

“You really are so presumptuous!” He sprung to his feet. “My happiness is as insignificant as it can be! More to that—those with talent shine because of their promise. The hope that they’re sure to bring. To diminish such splendor into mere matters of selfish sentimentalities of satisfaction and gratification—so simple-minded! But what can I expect from a reserve?”

_Someone riding on the coattails of Hope’s Peak in order to solidify their own menial successes...if not to partake in a farce of self-aggrandizement... Yes, someone like this isn’t worth even my time._

And yet, he just shuffles his feet uncomfortably, and he notes that the reserve looks both stung and frustrated.

“I... That’s not what I...”

_Someone like this isn’t worth even my time._

“Someone like me doesn’t even deserve to be here,” he ends up saying. “I didn’t pay anything, and here I am, using up their resources and breathing their air... How could I _possibly_ be happy about that?”

“E... Excuse me?”

Of course the reserve didn’t understand.

Of course the presumptuous, impertinent reserve didn’t understand.

“Never mind. I shouldn’t have said all that. Ha. Ha. Anyway. If you want to approach elites in the future, _well_ , I most certainly would prefer that you didn’t do that, but... You should at least be drawn to those who _are_ worthy. When it’s someone like me, it’s just a pathetic look for both of us.”

“I... I don’t understand,” the reserve stammers. “You, uh, you just—started rambling and I have no idea what you’re on about...”

_Of course you don’t._

Exhausted, Komaeda plopped back down and wrapped his arms around his knees.

“You’re so tiring. Leave me alone. Or is that too complicated, too?”

The reserve clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“Geez, you don’t need to be a pompous jerk about it. Fine. I’ll go. I can get that much.”

_Pompous..._ Komaeda peeked to watch the other turn and walk away. _What a word to say..._

The other does turn back briefly, and he hurriedly snaps his eyes forward before Komaeda could blink.

_What a strange, strange person._

* * *

He ends up skipping class. It’s better that way because his classmates are surely more comfortable in his absence, and well—truth be told, it’s an old habit of his anyway. Back then, with his luck and with everyone else’s disdain, skipping was an obvious choice.

But he still feels deeply unfitting no matter where it goes and it’s starting to make him itch as if bugs were crawling all over his skin.

_Filthy. Filthy._

He reads in the library for a bit. There’s not much else to do. He definitely enjoys being there. There are all sorts of novels written by past Ultimates, several of them feel so weighty that he nearly drops them on his foot. He reads and they bring him to so many tears that he ends up exhausted.

_This should be like a dream...but it really is terrifying..._

He gets flashes of the shelves toppling over. Of windows breaking. Of people screaming. He decides against checking anything out because he would hate it if something happened.

_Disgusting. Disgusting._

He rubs at his arms, and he feels—frustrated. Unbelievably frustrated. So much so that a vile idea strikes him.

**_Seriously?_ **

Seriously.

He’s crossing through the main plaza. There are a couple of other people here. He recognizes one of his classmates in fact. He’s quick to duck somewhere unseen. The last thing he wants is to spoil such a shining face. Especially when he’s in such a wretched mood.

_The dorms aren’t far from here. Even someone as weak and worthless as you can make it._

And yet, he remains where he is as if entrapped.

_What are you going to do if someone sees you? Aren’t you despicable enough with just your presence?_

His mind was racing with such thoughts and he still couldn’t bring himself to budge. He sucks in his breath. He shakily inhales. He feels itchy. Frustrated.

Wound _up_.

He’s trembling.

_As much as I’m disgustingly tempted to... If my classmate’s there... I can’t..._

Except, he glances back. And his classmate is getting up, dusting off her skirt and going on her way, continuing to chat amicably as she does. Komaeda’s eyes go wide as everyone else is gone from view.

Rotten, dirty luck.

Rotten, dirty him.

He can’t help it now, fingers trailing down. He’s still trembling, but he still manages to unzip his pants and pulls it out. It’s disgustingly hard. Disgustingly warm. His palm is clammy and a little cold. It’s unpleasant but for someone as rotten-minded as him, it’s not a deterrence.

_Someone could still come back._

His palm slides against the length, he twists his wrist in the way he bitterly knows he likes.

_Just because there’s no one here now doesn’t make the act less shameful. Less disgusting. Less tainting of such a holy ground._

**_But if it’s so holy then why was I allowed access?_ **

He doesn’t understand that. He doesn’t understand it at all and that’s why it’s so stressful.

_Do they just really not know? Really not see? Just how—how wretched and dull I really am? Aha. Maybe this could work as clarification. Maybe this would set things straight. Haha. Hahaha._

He still bites on his hand to muffle any sounds. What comes out is a keen. His thighs are trembling, and he squirms and his hips jerk to meet his own sloppy strokes.

“Ah... Ahh... Hh...”

It’s warm. Humid. His open panting mouth. The perspiration on his heated skin. His hand slick with sweat and precum as it strokes and squeezes. Coiling, dizzying heat.

“Ah... _ah_...!”

It’s not really what one would call sexy but—but, but, _but_ , for trash like him it’s enough.

_I don’t deserve to be here, I don’t deserve to be here, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, I **don’t**..._

His eyes sting and then, they roll back as he comes. He can taste blood. Ah. Because he bit his hand too hard. That just makes things more unsightly, to have one bloodied hand and the other slick from catching his cum among other things. It’s unlucky. Unfortunate. Decadent.

He licks up his spill, and it’s quite bitter. He doesn’t mind it too much. He’s thorough in swirling his tongue around his fingers. He hums.

_Poor impulse control was something I was warned about... Hah._

Komaeda sighs as he carefully pulls out his handkerchief, wincing as he does. He wipes his hands clean but ties it around his injured one, using his teeth to tighten the knot. It should work fine until he got back to his dorm. He has a first aid kit there.

It should be fine. He’s more concerned with worrying other people unnecessarily.

_Especially about something related to such a disgraceful act._

Komaeda scoffs before finally tucking himself back in. He zips up and manages to stand. His legs wobble a little and his mind still buzzes. He stumbles but manages to catch himself on one of the trees. But through his blurring vision, there’s a blight blocking out the vibrant colors.

Komaeda blinks, realizing as his gaze wanders up a black uniform to a very familiar face.

“...you again. Are you a stalker?”

The reserve stood frightfully still, eyes wide and—were his cheeks flushed? They definitely were. The bright red of his face made the green of those bugging eyes vibrate. Komaeda feels his own cheeks warm.

_Ah. **Oh**._

“You saw,” he mumbled, rather lamely. “That’s...embarrassing?”

The reserve made a strangled sound.

“Y-You couldn’t have done that in your _dorm_?”

Komaeda just stared.

“Obviously? But I didn’t. So.” He shrugs almost helplessly. “I’m not sure what you expect me to do about it now. Besides head back to my dorm. Which I was doing. You’re in my way.”

“You injured yourself?” The reserve flinched after his gaze flickered to Komaeda’s wrapped up hand. “I... You should have been more careful.”

_Ah. Huh. Careful._

He was getting annoyed but at the same time, he was curious. Woefully inept he was at understanding social norms—even he could tell that there was something off about how the reserve was acting. The way the reserve avoided his gaze, the way the reserve tugged at his uniform collar. Komaeda’s eyes flickered downwards, and he could _tell_.

“It probably would have gone better if I had someone cover my mouth,” he found himself saying. “Or...if I just had someone else...”

The reserve jumped at that.

“I-I...wouldn’t know about that...” he stammers, still evading his stare. “I, um... I-I should probably...”

As cute as the shy act was, Komaeda was not in a very patient mood.

“Reserve-san.”

“I _have_ a name,” the reserve grumbled. “It’s Hinata. Hinata Hajime.”

“Hinata-kun.”

The name had a light taste. Warm but light. Like sunshine. Under the glowing sun, Hinata Hajime’s blush intensified. When Komaeda steps closer, he can almost feel the heat given off the other’s body.

“U-Uh?” Hinata swallowed, stiffening. “What’s...up?”

“Are you interested in me, Hinata-kun?” He takes Hinata’s hand with his injured one out of courtesy. Hinata’s hand is clammy and hot. He can’t help but squeeze as Hinata’s pupils dilate. “Is that why we keep running into each other? Is that why you watched me?”

“I... It’s just...coincidences...” Hinata does lean back a little but he doesn’t pull his hand away. “Y-You do catch my eye a little, but...”

_He’s honest...but also so drearily indirect._

“Only a little?”

“A-A little!” he squeaked. “I-I mean—you look—distinct! That’s it! A-And you’re an elite...with bizarre behavior... Like now...”

Hinata’s squirming under his stare, weakly tugging at his grip.

“I really don’t get you at all...”

_You say that almost as if you want to. But, I’m not so needy that I’d expect more than vague curiosity from a mere reserve._

With a sigh, Komaeda lets go of that hand.

“Well. Truth be told, I’m not sure where my mind is.” _It doesn’t belong here. I had never even dared to dream._ “What doesn’t make sense is everything else. It’s so frustrating that I feel like I’m going crazy. Just look at me. Unpacking on a reserve. You couldn’t even understand what I’m talking about.”

“I...” Hinata frowned. “I definitely won’t understand if you’re so vague about it. But, uh...” He clears his throat, coughing a few times. “Y-You should...probably go to the nurse or something... F-For your hand. It must hurt a lot.”

Actually, he could barely feel it at all. With how much he had been through, he was numb to a lot of pain. It stung when he pressed against it, but that was the extent of it.

_Still._

“I guess I should. Well. Then I’ll be seeing you, Hinata-kun?” His head tilts. “Later?”

“Y-Yeah, sure. Later... Later... Uh? U-Uh...?!”

Komaeda turns on his heel and scampers off before Hinata can finish that thought.

“W-Wait...!”

He only quickened his pace.

_What the **hell** was that about?_

By the time he gets to his room, all he can do is throw himself onto the bed and scream.

* * *

_I really don’t know what I’m doing._

His hand is bandaged, mind still bustling with static and nonsense, and he feels sick but antsy. So much so that the idea of staying inside as he should is making his stomach flip.

_It’s one thing to masturbate out in the open but to be so open with some reserve kid is just... Am I really that pitiful and lonely? And for what? Just because that reserve actually thought to talk to me? Someone like that who just wants to rub up against the talented—even I’m not that pathetic._

Still. Hinata Hajime was strange. Bizarre. Any other person would at least be mortified or too annoyed to approach him. But Hinata Hajime—come to think of it, Hinata Hajime glanced at him a lot, didn’t he?

At him.

When no one else even liked to look at him.

His parents. His classmates. The staff. The normal worthless bystanders.

Hinata _watched_ him. He just stood there. Like a creep. A stalker.

Well.

He certainly wasn’t bad to look at, that Hinata Hajime. The reserve uniform, of course, was wretched and hideous, but outside of that... If Hinata Hajime wore something, _anything_ else...

_Maybe the uniform at my last school?_

He tries to imagine it. Soft gray likely didn’t suit Hinata Hajime but it was better than black, surely. The buttoned up blazer wouldn’t really work either, something loose, perhaps even discarded. Hinata Hajime sighing, tugging at his tie, undoing a few buttons so that he could breathe a little.

Eyes half-lidded. Long, dark lashes over hazel. A deepening blush. The unsteady bob of his throat, and just—oh.

_Oh. He would be much cuter, then._

What a funny thought. Ha. Haha.

“Hinata Hajime-kun. Hinata-kun, Hinata-kun. Hi-na-ta-kun.” Warm and light. Sunshine. “Hinata-kun, huh?”

_He’s pretty average but—if I think about him like that, he’s charming. He has that boy next door kind of vibe, doesn’t he?_

Of course, he was a reserve. A reserve who was weirdly drawn to him. Someone like him.

_Just because I’m an Ultimate? Even though I don’t belong here at all?_

He couldn’t help but wonder and wonder.

* * *

Even the gate of the reserve district exuded such gloomy energy it was suffocating. Komaeda stands before it, dazed yet pensive.

_It’s audacious. Utterly audacious, to make a place for yourself somewhere you don’t belong. And, yet, here we are._

He doesn’t doubt that many of them are currently in class. He wonders what class was like.

Studying to what end, heads ducked, with only the light from the unreachable illuminating the room. It must have been such a miserable existence. He almost feels bad for them.

_Almost._

He doesn’t have a phone but he knows that it should be lunchtime soon. He doesn’t have to enter such a depressing, hopeless place because his luck will surely bring that person. Or, perhaps, that person will have already seen him by now.

Komaeda squints but it’s impossible to see anyone in those dull windows.

He doesn’t need to wait much longer. Students begin to filter out of the building, and while he’s certainly given quite a few odd stares, he only perks when that certain someone makes a beeline for him. Hinata Hajime’s tense, he’s flustered, and he’s giving Komaeda quite the complicated stare.

“Is there a _reason_ you’re here?”

“Hello to you, too, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda greets simply. “I take it you’re not gracious to see me?”

Hinata’s expression is positively weathered.

“I... You probably shouldn’t be here. The others can be—severe. You know the people here are serious about getting into the main course, right?”

“Are you saying I might be killed?” He can’t help but laugh at the idea. “That’s never going to happen. But I likely won’t be treated kindly, all the same. So before we’re smothered, let’s go on our own way, Hinata-kun.”

“ _Let’s_...?” Hinata blinked several times. It’s as if his mouth went dry. His voice is strangely raspy. “E-Excuse me?”

“I was thinking the main plaza?” Komaeda tilts his head, eyes wide and inquisitive. “Are you completely uninterested?”

_I couldn’t have misunderstood, right?_

“W... Why?”

_I don’t understand why he’s drawing this out. Like the peeling of a chestnut, this is tedious._

“If you don’t want to go, just say so. I came all this way, the least you can do is give me a straight answer.”

Hinata shivered, swallowed, and then he quickly nodded.

“Uh. Fine. Sure. Let’s...go, then.”

_There. Was that so difficult?_

“Ehe. Hehe. Let’s, let’s.”

_What a complicated one this reserve is._

* * *

For all his shillyshallying and beating around the bush, Komaeda felt the reserve’s eyes on him as they walked. It was an odd sensation, different from the stares he’s used to, but not too different. There’s something charged in the air, and Komaeda fantasizes about whirling on his heel to meet that intense gaze, just to see Hinata jump.

He wonders what Hinata is thinking, staring at his back like this. It’s strangely thrilling. He should feel guilty, not just for general unworthiness but also for bringing an even unworthier reserve into the mix.

“Hey...”

Instead, he’s just a little disappointed. Be it because Hinata didn’t speak up sooner or because he didn’t remain quiet. He wasn’t quite sure.

“Yes, Hinata-kun?”

“I don’t know your name.”

The words are blunt enough to be harsh, but there’s a clumsiness to them as well. It’s endearing, so Komaeda chuckles.

“Pardon me,” he says. “We never did formal introductions. That’s terribly rude, isn’t it?”

“It’s just weird to agree to go somewhere with a person whose name I don’t know,” Hinata replies. “So—what is it?”

“Komaeda Nagito. Class 77-B.” A pause. Komaeda feels his smile twist. “Ultimate Luck.”

“Luck?”

“Yeah. Luck.”

The fountain is now fully in sight, so Komaeda strides ahead to take his seat on the bench. He pats the spot beside him, and to his delight, Hinata takes it after a moment’s hesitation. Eyes bright, Komaeda smiles as Hinata looks away.

Now he can see Hinata’s face pinch up, twist a little, before it smooths over into something more neutral.

“You won the lottery, then. I envy you. Your luck must be something special.”

_Headmaster Kirigiri had said as much before. That it was something special. That it was deserving of being called a talent. But. But, but, but._

“It’s not really a talent.” Even now, he can’t imagine thinking differently. “Something like luck. Fickle, erratic, uncontrollable. How could that _ever_ be called a talent?”

_If I was just to be an experiment, that’d be one thing, but I’m seriously expected to walk among and mingle with the others as if nothing’s amiss? **How**?_

“It’s frustrating,” he finds himself saying. “So frustrating I want to _scream_.”

Hinata looks at him oddly. Of course he does. Of course. Of course.

“I’m sorry,” Komaeda whispers now. “I’m not very good at talking to people.”

“No, it’s...fine?” Hinata hesitates. “I’m just surprised. You really—seem perturbed? Even though everyone in the reserve course would kill to take your place.”

“Does that apply to you?” he asks darkly.

“O-Of course not! No way! I just—!” Hinata rubs furiously at his nape. “I would _like_ to be talented...”

“And I’m sure penguins would like to fly.”

Hinata groaned.

“God, you’re such a prick... Why did you approach me again?” The question is clearly rhetorical, with Hinata’s eyes narrowing and sardonic tone lowering. “Did you just want someone to vent to? Is this building up to a threat...?”

_Vent. A threat?_

“I—actually it was because I thought you were interested in me.”

The blue sky shone above them. There’s a light spray from the fountain. Despite the beauty of this place, the two wretched creatures present weren’t in any mood to appreciate it. How despairing that was. How sad.

“Was I wrong? I apologize. I must have been confused. Perhaps you’re disgusted by me, then?”

He’s not always sure how he comes across to people except that it never seems to be positive. When he tries to smile or encourage, it always has the opposite effect. There’s something truly despicable about him. Something truly **repulsive**. It must be inherent. It must be inevitable.

_But, truth be told—that idea hurts a little._

“I-I’m not.” Hinata’s words are stammered and hesitant, but because of what the words are, Komaeda has to physically keep himself from clinging to them. Even as Hinata keeps talking, still not looking at him. “I mean, you do interest me, yeah. You’re...bizarre. And eccentric. In both mannerisms and...appearance.”

His eyes finally slide over towards his, and Komaeda can see now the way Hinata _looks_ at him. How his stare sweeps up and down, how his lips press together, how his tan cheeks color. Hinata Hajime doesn’t look at him like a bug scuttling on the ground. Hinata Hajime looks at him as if he were something _else_.

“Are you attracted to me?”

Hinata’s blush is prominent and inarguable.

“...what kind of question is that?”

“Do you desire me in some way?”

“W-What kind of question is _that_?!”

Hinata does yelp when Komaeda finally leans in. He hasn’t even taken to pinning Hinata to the bench, and Hinata already looks beyond overwhelmed. It’s cute, really, so much so that Komaeda really should feel guilty. Apologetic. Disgusted with himself.

Except this was a particularly annoying reserve. So he can’t help but want to bully him a little.

_I don’t deserve to be here, yet I am—you’re the same way, aren’t you? Except..._

“It must have been a lot,” Komaeda murmurs. “The tuition. The stress. The demand. I imagine you’re frustrated with all of it.”

Hinata’s eyes are wide, but the face he makes is almost distorted. For someone so ordinary, Hinata Hajime really made quite the complicated expressions. Puzzling. Weirdly inviting in that puzzling way.

“I don’t... I actually...” There are so many words that flutter to Hinata’s lips only to dissipate in the air. So many things that Hinata seems wanting to say—but doesn’t. “It’s frustrating. Yeah.”

Hinata has relaxed a little, and the way he looks at Komaeda is now so painstakingly vulnerable that it causes his very skin to prickle.

“It wouldn’t get better—even if I had a talent, huh... So, why am I here...?”

It’s a strange question. An absolutely incomprehensible one—but Hinata meets his gaze searchingly.

“Hey, Komaeda. If you really, truly, don’t believe you belong here—then why are you?”

“Ah, huh?” _Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh?_ “I... Um...”

_Isn’t it **obvious**?_

“Because for some ridiculous reason or another, I’m wanted here by certain people.” Ba-dump. **Ba** - ** _dump_**. “I wouldn’t be here if I was _completely_ unwanted.”

“Unwanted, huh?” Hinata’s lips twist, the corners quirking in what wasn’t quite a smile or a frown. “I see. I get ya. They gave you the means so you just took it. But you’re hoping for more, _right_?”

_More... I wonder..._

Without thinking, he touches Hinata’s face. His defined jawline. It’s so warm to the touch and yet, his cheek is soft. Idly, Komaeda can’t help but be reminded of mochi.

“It’s beyond impertinent to hope or aspire,” he said, nearly biting his tongue. “But I still want to test the limits. Because this is such a _sanctified_ place, isn’t it? And yet, here I am. Here we are. It bothers me. It really does.”

_I don’t expect to be understood—and I don’t think I’ll ever be understood, but...truth be told, I’m tired of mulling. I want to **vent**._

“It bothers me, too, I guess,” Hinata huffs. “Even though I should be gracious and honored, I instead feel uneasy and unsure. I wonder if you...get that...”

He somewhat did, he supposed. But right now—he stared intently at Hinata’s pursing lips. How they press together, how they part for a sigh. How red and dark they are, to the point where Komaeda almost considers picking at them with his teeth.

He gulps.

“You know,” Hinata speaks so conversationally that it’s parodical. “I actually didn’t have to pay to be here, either. I just got lucky.”

At just those words, just like that, something fragile inside of him snapped.

* * *

It’s—difficult to explain what happened next because Komaeda Nagito, rotten-brained, stupid, worthless, **heedless** Komaeda Nagito hadn’t really been thinking.

He can, however, pick up on a few things once he regained some semblance of reason, despite how withered and fragmented said reasoning was.

His first thought was that his mouth hurt. When he kissed Hinata Hajime, it had been less the tender linking of lips and more—abrasive.

That he didn’t headbutt the other by accident was dumb luck, even if their teeth still clanged in a most unpleasant way. Hinata probably cried out—or maybe Komaeda did, or maybe they both did—but it didn’t stop there.

Instead, Komaeda’s arms locked around the reserve’s neck, and the reserve kissed him back _desperately_.

It was rough. It was awkward. Hinata’s tongue flicks against his, and he gave a pleasant shiver in response.

“A-Aah... Mm...”

He nips playfully at Hinata’s lower lip, curious of the soft swell, taken in deeper as careful fingers run through his hair. They also skid along his jawline and cheekbones, curious in the way Komaeda himself had been—except being on the receiving end was a _decidedly_ different sensation.

“H-Hah... Ah...”

When Hinata pulls him closer, the kiss deepens further and it’s dizzying.

“W... Wai...”

They part with a wet smack, and his face feels unnaturally warm, especially when cupped in Hinata’s hands.

“...shit,” Hinata utters. “That’s...actually...”

Komaeda’s eyelashes flutter helplessly, and rather than continuing that sentence, Hinata resumes kissing him.

_Ah. Aha. Wow. He’s **really** into this._

How very, very lucky.

* * *

He wasn’t sure how much time they spent kissing. Except that it was enough time that when Hinata idly checked his watch, it was cut abruptly short.

“Shit! Class!”

“Oh, class.”

He was disappointed, but merely kissed Hinata’s cheek, murmuring into his ear a promise, “Later, then?”

“Ah... Yeah.” Hinata nodded. “Later. Uh. Komaeda.”

Komaeda smiled at him brightly, but that just made him more flustered. Was it because of how swollen his lips were? How flushed his face? The glimmer in his watery gaze?

He wasn’t sure, but the nervous way Hinata waved him off and how ruffled the reserve was—he found it surprisingly cute.

“Bye-bye, Hinata-kun. See you soon.”

“S-See you.”

With every quickened step Hinata took, Komaeda wondered if his own heart was racing with him.

* * *

_Hinata Hajime-kun is—difficult to pinpoint._

The more he thought about this seemingly unobtrusive and unremarkable reserve, the more of an actual enigma he seemed to be.

_He’s so utterly hopeless that he had to cheat his way even into the backup course._

He doesn’t know more than that and frankly, he’s not terribly curious about it. But when Hinata Hajime had said he just got lucky, it really struck him as...odd.

Hinata, at least, had the awareness to be pretty ashamed about it.

“You’re not, uh...” He wasn’t even looking at him at the time, head ducked and eyes downcast. “You’re not going to tell anyone, right? Because I really, really shouldn’t have just blurted that out.”

As odd as it was, Komaeda kisses his cheek all the same.

“I don’t have anyone to tell,” he chirps. “Really, no one likes it when I even breathe. And who can blame them?”

Flushing, Hinata gave him a pained look.

“ _Surely_ that’s an exaggeration.”

“No, it’s not!” He shook his head furiously. “You don’t understand because you’re a reserve—but I’m really, truly detestable, Hinata-kun! It’s how things are!”

“It’s true you can be...difficult, but...detestable...? That’s such a strong word...”

_Hinata Hajime-kun—is quite dumb. But also surprisingly sweet._

When Komaeda kisses him impulsively then, Hinata’s gentle in returning the gesture. His eyes even flutter shut, like this is the start of a romantic scene. It’s silly, but endearing.

Even when Hinata inevitably sucked on his tongue.

_Hinata Hajime-kun is still normal. Which means he has hormonal needs, desires, and frustrations._

“Goodness... So much tissue...”

“M-Most of those are from my allergies!”

“Mmhmm...”

“You’re the one who just bullied your way into my room in the first place!”

“Ahaha! Still, it’s a bit filthy, Hinata-kun... But I won’t judge!”

“You said that...very judgingly.”

Despite being so normal, Komaeda did find himself astounded by the incredible lack of personality in Hinata Hajime’s dorm room. The only thing hanging on the wall was a school calendar—the very same one that Komaeda also owned, in fact. There was a bit of a mess with crumbled up clothes strewn about the floor and a wastebasket that so desperately needed to be dumped. Aside from the laptop tucked in the corner, it was a room with very little.

The bed wasn’t terribly comfortable, either, but Komaeda settled onto it anyway, to Hinata’s chagrin.

“I’d let you into my room,” he tells him innocently, watching blankly as Hinata’s cheeks color. “But you’d get into trouble if you were found in the main district.”

Hinata can only sigh.

“Yeah... I know...” He trails off. “And I guess we might as _well_ be dating...”

_Dating. Is that what this is?_

He really, truly doubted it, but he smiled at Hinata anyway.

“I can help you save on tissue if you want,” he chirps. “I don’t mind.”

“What? Are you going to give me extra packets or something? I can already get them free at the...student...building...” Hinata trails off, realizing what he meant. If his face was burning red before, it was scorching now. “O- _Oh_. You _don’t_ mind?”

It’s not until Komaeda beckons him that Hinata plops down on the spot beside him. Komaeda’s smile broadens, never breaking contact with Hinata’s wide-eyed stare as he slips off the bed and pushes his knees apart so that he can settle in-between. Playfully, he tugs down Hinata’s zipper with his teeth, eyes glimmering as Hinata inhales sharply.

His hands settle on Komaeda’s head, light enough to be negligible.

“Don’t pull,” Komaeda says simply. “The strands are pretty fragile—and I don’t want bald spots.”

“O-Okay.” Instead, Hinata clumsily pats him. “U... Uh...”

When Komaeda tugs out his cock, Hinata’s head lolls back.

“ _Shit_.”

_Hinata Hajime-kun, being a reserve...has such simplicity to him. I can’t help but find that charming._

He’s not exactly talented in this area. It goes without saying. He’s not very well-liked, so he’s largely unfamiliar with the intricacies of intimacy.

But even though he drools a lot as he sucks him off, even though he’s not quite sure what to do with his teeth—he can’t say it isn’t weirdly enjoyable.

Hinata still moans and curses colorfully, blush darkening as Komaeda hollows out his cheeks. It hurts his mouth a little, but he really, truly doesn’t mind when it evokes such sounds from a mewling Hinata Hajime.

The scent is strong and heady, the taste quite bitter, but—it’s satisfying having such weight on his tongue. And there’s something about how it twitches and thickens. On a base level, it’s fascinating.

On a baser level, it’s thrilling. Especially with how Hinata strokes his hair and praises him.

“Shit, _fuck_ , K-Komaeda... That... That’s really good... So good... Komaeda, _Komaeda_...”

When his balls tighten and his toes curl, Hinata Hajime makes such a _charming_ sight. It really was so simple. So cute.

_It also made him so much easier to use._

“U-Uh... Uh...! You don’t have to...!”

Hinata cringes as Komaeda swallows it down, pinching his nose as he does.

“Thicker than I expected,” is all he has to say afterwards. Hinata just gapes.

“I... Uh... Hey, Komaeda...?”

“Hmm?”

“I should...at least return the favor, right?”

“You don’t have to.”

“But... I should.”

“Mm. Okay.”

Hinata Hajime really was strange—but there was a lot to like. And a lot to take advantage of, especially with how eager he was.

_Someone like this is similar to someone like me._

* * *

Hinata Hajime really does remind him of himself sometimes. Enthusiastic and eager to please—utterly pathetic and pitiful at the same time. But, Komaeda doesn’t think he’s a bad person. Of course not.

_He’s just a reserve._

A reserve who liked to mouth at his thighs, suck on his chest, and bite on his shoulder. A reserve who definitely took pride in making him squirm, which _was_ a bit annoying.

_We’re similar—so it wouldn’t be surprising if Hinata-kun wanted to use me too. Just for kicks. Just to see how much I’d allow. How far things will go._

He’s not annoyed by that idea. He’s not quite that hypocritical. Besides, this was easier on both of them.

Right now, he’s tucked away into Hinata’s embrace. Hinata still shuffles a bit awkwardly when holding him, like it’s embarrassing. It’s funny, but Komaeda’s rather sheepish about it, too.

He only relaxes a little when Hinata kisses his ear, both the shell and the hollow beneath. He relaxes more when he feels Hinata smile against his neck when he squirms from the sensuality of it all.

Sunlight filters through the leaves clustered above. They’ve already finished their lunch. They’re like this—because it had been so bright that Komaeda wanted to sit somewhere with shade. Komaeda sees a bird hop from one branch to the next.

Hinata kisses his neck.

“It’s not a big deal if you leave marks,” Komaeda murmurs, still looking at the fluttering bird. “No one’s going to care. I don’t go to class.”

“It’s basic human decency to not do that,” Hinata retorts, taking his hand and squeezing. “Besides, you bruise easily. Look.” His thumb runs over a discolored patch of skin. “Your hand is still yellowing.”

“It always looks more serious than it actually is.” He sighs, entwining their fingers. “But—how chivalrous of you all the same. I suppose.”

Hinata kisses each knuckle of his finger. Somehow that’s the most embarrassing thing. He wonders just how in love with the image of romanticism the other is. Another similarity they’d have, in that case.

_But I’m not quite so naïve._

Still, it’s nice to pretend.

“What do you think would happen if we were caught?” Komaeda asks, squeezing Hinata’s hand. “Would we get in trouble? Scolded?”

“I... Well, if not by the staff...” Hinata trails off. “I think the worst case scenario is being seen by another student. The rumors afterwards...”

“Rumors? Aha! When I was in middle school, I was rumored to be a god of death! And a demon!” He snickers at the memory. “I used to get things thrown at me, kids yelling ‘begone, begone’! I think rumors of a steamy affair would at least make my life more interesting.”

“That...sounds awful?” Hinata frowned at him. “Are you okay?”

“Not really. I never have been.” _Ah._ “Sorry. I didn’t mean to chatter about that. It’s not like those assumptions were...” He stops himself and shakes his head quickly. His body twists so that it rests more comfortably against Hinata’s warm body. Their fingers were still interlaced, and the sight of it was almost withering. Komaeda sighed out. “I don’t really see anything happening if the staff sees.”

“...yeah?” Hinata still sounds worried, but that he doesn’t press it really is something to be appreciated.

“My classmates, bless their hearts, are a very rowdy bunch,” he said. “The staff really keeps an eye on them, and it’s just as well! They really are incredible! So full of promise! Me, on the other hand... They’d rather not pay me much if any mind. After all.” He kisses Hinata’s ear. “Did you know? A lot of the staff doesn’t think I deserve to be here, either.”

“That’s not fair.” Hinata bristled. “You won the lottery. That gives you the right.”

“You’re so nice,” Komaeda can’t help but lament. “You’re an impudent reserve, but—you’re so kind. I think it would’ve been better for everyone if we switched places. My classmates would like you, I’m sure of it.”

_Neither of us **deserve** to be here, but... I in particular... I really don’t have the right at all. I’m unremarkable, detestable, and an embarrassment._

“I’m no that nice,” Hinata huffs, cupping his face. He swallows as Komaeda nuzzles into his hand. “I’m definitely—not that nice.”

_If you were better behaved, you wouldn’t be in this situation. That much is true. But._

“Hinata-kun, I’m bored with this conversation.”

_It doesn’t change anything. It’s just venting. I’d like to vent a different way._

“What would you rather do, Komaeda?”

“Mm...” He nips at the protruding bone of Hinata’s wrist. “You must be hot in that uniform. Let’s relieve some of that heat.”

Hinata snorts as Komaeda leans forward, undoing the buttons to his blazer. Hinata’s remarkably pliant otherwise, sliding the material down his shoulders, leaving behind the white dress shirt and tie.

“You’re wearing a sweater vest,” Hinata pointed out, tugging down Komaeda’s own open blazer. “Aren’t you hotter?”

Komaeda simply shook his head.

“It doesn’t bother me. Actually, I don’t even feel the heat.”

“No?” Hands run over his shoulder blades and back. He’s pulled closer into Hinata’s lap. “Not even like this?”

Hinata’s gaze burns into his own. His body heat, too, is burning. There must already be sweat on his brow and nape—that intense expression glittering under filtered sunlight also looks so nervous. It really is endearing. More so with that rosy shade.

_I want to push him further._

“Not really.”

“No?”

Fingertips hover on his lower back, barely brushing against the top of his rump. Hinata stiffens, face pinching up as Komaeda smiles down at him easily.

“I feel the hesitation,” he says, settling his own hands atop Hinata’s broad shoulders. Even though they’re about the same height, Hinata Hajime is much, much more built. With less unflattering layers, he could see that. Licking his lips, he adds. “It’s alright. I’m lucky. No one will see this.”

_Except I want to push things further and further to the point where I actually am threatened._

He wonders if Hinata felt that way, too. After all, what was thrill without the risk?

But instead of squeezing, Hinata just places a hand on his nape and draws him in even closer. Still radiating such warmth, Hinata’s arms wrap around him, and he’s embraced like one would a lover.

Komaeda’s the one that flinches even as he hurriedly forced himself to relax. His heart’s definitely pounding, but so is Hinata’s. Hinata is also—clearly— _aroused_.

With his legs hooked around the other’s waist, it’s obvious. He’s not just hot against him, he’s hard, the front of his uniform slacks straining against his erection. Without really thinking, Komaeda rocks his hips and the effect is immediate. Hinata groans lowly into his ear.

“Komaeda...”

He does shiver at that. When Hinata kisses him, it’s less the melding of lips and more Hinata nibbling at the swollen seam. He’s compliant, even with Hinata’s tongue swipes at him.

Wet smacks. Soft sucks. Building warmth. He shivers again, wondering if he’ll end up dying for this. Surely not, but...

_Good luck—bad luck—I don’t even know which it is._

“Wa... Wait, wait...” Hinata kisses along his jaw. “Wouldn’t it—be easier if I turned around or something...? I don’t know...”

Hinata hums into his ear, and squeezes his ass, earning a squeal. Hinata immediately covers his mouth, blush darkening as he nods.

“Yeah... Probably. I like this position too, but...”

“Just let me...”

They both speak at the same time, words blurring together as they move. Hinata scoots so that his back is flat against a tree, and when Komaeda manages to twist himself around, it’s not long after that Hinata pulls him back into his lap. It’s flustering, having someone’s arousal pressing into his bottom, but it’s not the most uncomfortable position he’s ever been in.

It’s warm. More so when Hinata’s arms encircle him again, keeping them flushed together. And then, and then, Hinata’s hand runs down his stomach.

“Hey, what does reserve-san think he’s doing?” he asks breathily, eyes narrowed. Hinata kisses the corner of his mouth, but rather than provide any answers, he undoes the front of his slacks. Komaeda trembles, and Hinata covers his mouth.

“A...h...”

“You said it yourself back then,” Hinata murmurs as his tentative fingers run over his groin. He goes on as Komaeda groans. “If you just had someone else...”

_It really **is** something else, being touched like this by another person._

Hinata’s motions were careful as they always were. Up, down, up, down, up, down—then finally the flat of his palm, pressing against his straining arousal. A sharp whine escaped Komaeda’s throat, muffled against Hinata’s other hand, and Hinata hissed softly.

“Shit,” he swallows as Komaeda is left trembling and wanting. “You’re...so fucking cute.”

_Cute?_

There’s nothing endearing about being a depraved, lustful mess. There’s nothing adorable about desperately jerking hips as Hinata pulls out his cock. There’s nothing _charming_ about any of this. Hinata licking his lips as he strokes his length, murmuring into Komaeda’s ear about how _rosy_ it is, how it’s as red as his face and how **_cute_** that is. Especially with how Komaeda moans from the sensations and the heat thrumming in his body. And how, without even thinking, he takes Hinata’s fingers into his mouth and sucks, his tongue wrapping around and rubbing against the digits.

“Mm... Hm...”

“So cute,” Hinata whispers, chuckling. “It’s incredible. An Ultimate like this—because of me.”

_Because of a reserve,_ Komaeda thinks dully, distantly, purring around those fingers as Hinata thumbs at the head of his cock. Shivering pleasantly at Hinata peeling and teasing his foreskin. Eyes squeezing shut as Hinata rolls and fondles his balls. _I’m really reducing myself to such a state—on the breeding ground of hope._

He’s even eagerly rocking into Hinata’s hand, damn near fucking it with abandon if he just had the stamina and strength to do so. He already feels exhausted but he’s—he’s _close_.

It’s dizzying, body twitching and he almost feels like he’s being suffocated. The rippling pleasure, the rising heat, and Hinata’s gentle sweet nothings now being murmured into his ear. He couldn’t make out a word through the pleasurable static, but Hinata does nip at his ear, and he does lick his neck.

“...mae...”

**_Mine?_ **

Then and there, Komaeda nearly blacks out, hips buckling as he comes, and gasping sharply and biting Hinata’s fingers. Hinata doesn’t even flinch, he just holds him close, strokes him through ejaculation, and Komaeda tastes bitter iron. He sucks almost mournfully.

He’s still dizzy, mind fuzzy and vibrating, but his body can’t help itself from moving. Even with a gelatinous awareness, he can still feel heat burrowing into his squirming bottom. Hinata’s groaning lowly, and then, those fingers are pulled from his mouth so that they can squeeze his hip.

“Fuck... K-Komaeda... Don’t you want to take a break? You’re...”

_Filthy. Deprived. Disgusting. A complete blight on the academy, dirtying the very ground with seed. Aha. Haha._

He trembled with delight and desperation.

_I feel like I haven’t gone far enough._

“Surely the reserve wants to come as well?” he asks, touching the underside of Hinata’s chin. He feels the other’s swallow this time as he nuzzles into his jaw. “After all, I know you’re not just indulging me out of the goodness of your heart.”

“I... No, I’m definitely not.”

_So blunt._ Komaeda thinks almost fondly, kissing his jawline. “I don’t see myself easily getting it up again, but... As an act of courtesy, you can do whatever you want with me. You’re so privileged already, reserve-san.”

“I...” Hinata growled. “I have a name.”

“Mm...” He twists around so that he can more easily tease him, tugging at his tie and unbuttoning his uniform. “Reserve-san, reserve-san. Hinata-kun, Hinata-kun. I think both suit you.”

In agitated response, Hinata tugged at his pants.

“I won’t be a reserve forever, you know!”

“So you’ll be Hinata-kun forever?” he asks cheekily.

Strangely, Hinata does pause. And with surprising strength, he maneuvers Komaeda so that he’s more comfortably in his lap. With the usual carefulness, he tucks his cock back inside. Komaeda blinks a few times, but then Hinata smears cum on his face.

He squeaks in protest at first, but he quickly calms, watching blankly as Hinata’s stare intensifies. More so when upon offered that dirtied hand, Komaeda instinctively moves to lick it clean.

_It’s bitter—but it’s better than blood,_ he can’t help but think, making a soft sound of approval. “Mm...”

“Hey, Komaeda.”

Komaeda blinks up at him innocently.

“ _Mmmm_? Do your fingers hurt, Hinata-kun?”

“You didn’t bite that hard,” Hinata says lowly, showing him his other hand. There are small, reddened indents around the knuckles but not much else.

“That’s good...” He nods drearily. “But, Hinata-kun, your expression is strange. It really is strange. And you’re still...” He scoots, pressing against that still thrumming heat. “Mm? Don’t tell me you lost your confidence?”

“It’s...” Hinata’s thumb swipes at his lower lip. “I just...”

_It’s strange,_ Komaeda can’t help but think. _That expression is one of such abject uncertainty. You really don’t understand your place at all, do you?_

...

**_That’s alright._ **

He kisses Hinata tenderly.

**_I don’t understand mine, either._ **

Now that he thinks about it—he really is _exhausted_. Of this, that, and everything else. It’s all so frustrating that it’s exhausting. And he really does just want to relax and indulge a little.

Even is he has to do so messily, with damp, deepening kisses and melting, molding lips.

“Ah... Hah...” When Hinata does pull back for breath, it’s in hot puffs against his panting mouth. There’s still a sheen of saliva connecting them. “Komaeda...”

When did he start straddling him? Aah, heat really was radiating off of Hinata, all that said. Mind-numbing and almost enthralling. Then and there, Komaeda wondered if just letting Hinata dryly rut against him would be enough. If even sucking the other off would be enough.

He wondered, really wondered if he should go even further than that.

For Hinata’s sake.

Of _course_.

Hinata, who wiped a line of drool from his chin. Hinata with his glittering hazel gaze, brilliant blush, and trembling red lips. Komaeda thinks about sunlight beaming down on both of them, on this shameful display—the same radiance that made Hope’s Peak Academy too bright to look at directly.

And here they were.

“...m-my...my room.”

Hinata seemed to realize it, too, and just like that—he falters and crumbles like decay in the wind.

“Let’s...continue this...i-in my room.”

_It’s too much in the end, huh? But—I suppose having an Ultimate in your room still pushes **something**. Something, something, something—_

“Are you going to fuck me, reserve-san?”

Hinata stiffens. His pupils are blown wide, dark in the midst of that glisten.

“I wonder what gave you the confidence?”

Hinata blinks. He inhales. Exhales.

“Can—I do that?”

_Have confidence? How am I supposed to answer that? How would I even know?_

“Sure. If you want. You just have to clean off my face first. Obviously.”

When Hinata embraces him then, it’s almost as if he had said something that made the other so happy it brought him to tears.

* * *

He wonders if this is still testing his luck. The dorms are on such the far side of campus that it’s almost difficult to tell where they truly are. Hinata’s windows show nothing remarkable as they’re on the side faced away from Hope’s Peak Academy.

It’s getting late. It’s getting dark. There’s no point in worrying about getting ready for tomorrow because there’s no reason to even go anywhere or do anything. He’s the Ultimate Luck and a detestable, despicable, lowly human being with no redeeming qualities. The staff would rather pretend he didn’t exist. His class, too, would rather pretend he didn’t exist.

He doesn’t deserve to be there. And he doesn’t belong.

Especially not when he’s undressing for a mere reserve, even when it’s a reserve as adorably sheepish as Hinata. So adorable. Hinata looks at him with wide eyes as he tugs down his underwear and discards it with the rest of his uniform. The Hope’s Peak Academy uniform, tossed onto a reserve’s dirty floor as though it were garbage.

_I really am terrible._

“Sakura pattern...cute.”

“H-Hush.”

The reserve is now naked, too, and he really isn’t half-bad to look at. Tanned skin, healthy sinew, defined muscles and bone structure. He really does look thinner without clothes but—compared to Komaeda, the difference is like cotton and timber.

“You’re handsome, Hinata-kun,” he says earnestly.

Hinata’s cheeks burn darker before he inhales deeply.

“Thanks... You, uh, too. You’re...handsome.”

It’s such a clumsy, awkward response. The kind that’s clearly more courtesy than sincerity. Komaeda smiles anyway, laying back and bending his knees, spreading his legs so that Hinata can settle between them more comfortably.

“Um... Um.”

For the first time, Komaeda wonders what the reserve must be thinking. How this whole affair could be considered. Eyes rolling back to the dreary ceiling, Komaeda could only hear Hinata Hajime’s fretting and fumbling.

“I-I’ve never...”

“It’s basic human nature,” he finds himself saying, still staring at nothing. “You’ll figure it out, Hinata-kun.”

“You really think so...?”

Hinata looms over him, unsure and insecure, looking towards him for—validation? Confidence? Relief?

_Even though we’re doing this just to vent... How pitiful._

It really is pitiful. But he smiles reassuringly all the same, fingers digging into the sheets.

“It’s going to be fine. Just fine.”

_Even if it hurts, it’ll be fine._

There is a burn when he’s stretched, when he’s spread open from the reserve’s fingers. It’s slight and almost negligible, but he still makes sounds of encouragement and enthusiasm.

_My luck will always smooth things over. There’s no point in worrying. No point at all._

He doesn’t have anything to worry about. Not at all. Especially when Hinata’s thrusting fingers were—so _careful_. Awkward, but careful.

“It’s fine,” he repeated, over and over. “It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine... Hinata-kun, Hinata-kun...”

“I-If you really say so...” When those fingers curl inside of him, he shivers at the sensation. He rocks his hips a little, but not much, and it still has Hinata’s eyes darkening. “Have _you_ done this before?”

“That’s a secret,” he says because he really doesn’t want to think about it. The fact that this is the most intimate he’s been with a person—physically _and_ emotionally—is honestly embarrassing. “Would it bother you if I had? Surely you’re not _that_ arrogant.”

“It’s...not a big deal. I was just curious. I guess I should stop worrying.” Hinata huffed but his steaming cheeks give him away. “You’re just—fine. With all of this.”

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t,” Komaeda answers sincerely, shifting ever so slightly under him, gripping a handful of the sheet with one hand as he licked his lips. “What about you?”

“I...”

When Hinata pulls out his fingers, he rather sloppily wipes them clean. They’ll definitely need to do some laundry together later. Hinata then moves so that he’s positioned a bit more properly, and there’s such heat coming off already that it’s dizzying. Thrumming with excitement, Komaeda’s smile widens.

“I think...”

Hinata swallows before finally, finally, slicking himself up. Had this reserve ever imagined this? Had he ever dared to _dream_?

“I think it’s the same for me.”

_Ahahaha. Honestly I’m surprised I haven’t done this sooner._

Especially with the way Hinata pulls him close, pushes inside, and both of them tremble from it. It’s hot, significant, and positively _wicked_.

Hinata curses, but when Komaeda moans into his ear, that’s all the further encouragement he needs.

_Neither of us deserve to be here. It’s only natural we come together like this._

That didn’t keep the bed from protesting the wonder of it.

_What would others think? Would they even care? I doubt it. I really do. But, but..._

Hinata does give both of them time to adjust, panting and pressed up against him. He does kiss him, briefly and wetly, before pulling back so that he can move. He’s still cursing, muttering about how hot his insides are and how tightly they squeeze him. There is the slapping of skin, other slick sounds, and honestly, _honestly_ —it feels too good to even think.

Somehow, Hinata’s fingers are laced with his own, the grip almost more painful than the intercourse itself.

_We might as well be lovers. Even though this is just to vent. Just to push boundaries. Limits. Working out frustrations. All of that..._

“Komaeda,” Hinata murmurs, eyes hazed over with lust. “You look good like this.”

“Ah, ah, Hinata-kun...”

When Hinata kisses him again, this time it muffles a high-pitched moan. He squirms helplessly, somewhere between trying to keep up with the thrusts and pull the other in even closer.

“Fuck, fuck,” Hinata hisses as Komaeda’s fingers dig into his back, their joined hands squeezing even harder. “A-Already...!”

_All of that and I’m already..._

It’s funny how much of an empty person like him gets filled to the brim like this.

“K-Komaeda... _Komaeda_...!”

Except, it’s too hot to even think. He can barely even breathe as Hinata shudders. His own toes curl, and maybe he draws blood again, but he can’t hear anything except a sharp, piercing cry of pleasure.

_I’m already..._

When he tumbles over that edge, he does do with the grace of a collapsing marionette with its strings cut.

_I’m already so much **lower** than before._

He slumps afterwards, gasping and wheezing, so overwhelmed that his eyes were stinging. Despite how shattered everything was, he could only jolt when Hinata brushed his hair back.

“Komaeda...?”

Komaeda desperately yanks him back into a kiss.

_I had expected this, of course. Because... **Because**..._

He clings to him as before.

“Mm...”

* * *

“When Headmaster Kirigiri said such kind things about me... I had wanted to believe him, as shameful as that was... But...”

_“There isn’t a doubt in my mind that there’s something special about you.”_

“There’s no way he really meant any of that... So was it a mere act of pity, perhaps?” He really didn’t know. He just didn’t know. “Even if they were to study luck, what could they hope to find? It’s impossible to control one’s luck. I’ve tried. Over. And over. But, maybe I’m just that much of an abject failure... Who knows, who knows.”

“If you stay in the water like that, you’ll end up wrinkly like an old man.”

“My hair is already white, what difference would it make?”

Hinata rolls his eyes, but he remains beside the tub where Komaeda slumped over the edge, head buried in his folded arms.

“Mmgh...” He lets out a low groan. “Hey, next time, why don’t you fuck me until my hips break or something? You were shockingly reserved for your first time.”

“I know this is venting—and it’s probably not exactly healthy either, but I’d rather not hurt anyone,” Hinata replies, almost irritably. “I think—that would do the opposite of help or something...”

“Are you even tempted? You’re not resentful, even a little?” Drearily, Komaeda frowns at him. “I’d let you strangle me, even. If you wanted to.”

“Do you _want_ to be hurt?” Hinata grimaces at the thought. “If you really feel that way—that’s all the more reason to not...do that. I’m pretty sure.”

_You’re pretty sure, huh. Ah. Aha. Haha._

“You really are kind,” Komaeda mutters tiredly, smile strained. “I’m lucky to have caught the eye of someone kind, even if it breaks my heart a little.”

For a few moments, Hinata doesn’t say anything. He just sits there as Komaeda sighs, resting his cheek against the edge as he remains soaking in the warm water. Earlier, Hinata had washed him off. He had been gentle about it. When Komaeda expressed an interest in simply soaking afterwards, Hinata had allowed it.

With cleaner water, of course. He wasn’t _that_ gross.

_All the same—Hinata-kun really is accommodating. Someone like this...if I were to live life normally, there’s no doubt in my mind I’d fall for him._

“...can I ask you something?”

Hinata twitched a little but nodded.

“What does Hope’s Peak Academy even want from you?”

Hinata flinches now, everything about him rigid as stone, before the words came, low and almost dulled.

“Everything. They want everything.” A pause. “And I’ll do _anything_ for them.”

“Oh, me too. We have that in common.” Komaeda laughed, just a little. “But so many of them don’t want anything to do with me. Haha.”

“Maybe it’s because luck isn’t really a talent,” Hinata said softly.

“Probably, yeah.” He let his eyes fall shut. “But you’re the one with nothing to offer. Unless that’s what they’re looking for. Nothing. Nothing at all.”

There wasn’t an answer to that. He didn’t really want one, anyway.

“...I’m sorry.” He apologizes, shoulders hunching even as his breath doesn’t hitch and his eyes remain dry. But he does feel a layer of slick from the heat and warmth of the water. Almost dizzy. But it’s not like before. Instead of intimate, he feels almost encased from everyone and everything. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Despite all that, Hinata squeezes his hand.

“Don’t worry about it.” And, then. “Let’s get you out of there, Komaeda. You might end up fainting otherwise and that—would probably be bad.”

“You don’t say,” he slurs, squeezing back. “What an impressively average level of foresight.”

“Come on.” Hinata sounds more stern than exasperated. “Up, up.”

Komaeda whines, but when Hinata pulls him up with ease, he clings to him. As before.

* * *

At some point, he really did faint. When he finally came back to, he was alone in a reserve’s room, tucked into the reserve’s bed, with a note on the bedside table. Komaeda blinks at the ceiling, noting that it’s a lot brighter out.

It was morning. Morning—and a school day. Meaning that Hinata had likely already gone to class and that’s what the note was about. That among other things. He wondered what else Hinata would write. Gentle scolding? Well wishes? Reassurances? Gratitude?

Cynically, he thought about this situation if it were romantic. With Hinata kissing his sleeping forehead and leaving behind a message that said _I love you_.

Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

And yet, he was too snug to move despite the bed still being on the stiffer side. The more he thought about it, the more flustered he got about just—passing out.

_I don’t even know if Hinata-kun shared the bed with me or not!_

But now that he was in this situation, what was he to do? Class wasn’t mandatory and no one on the main campus even wanted to see him. If he got hungry, Hinata kept snacks in his dorm that he could eat. Hell, Hinata even had a few microwavable packages if he wanted. He could always pay Hinata back in spades.

_Ah. Maybe I should at least take him out to dinner. Haha. The average reserve having dinner with someone like me. If I did that, Hinata-kun might end up dropping a knife onto his foot. Or with a fly in his food. Or even worse._

There were other options. Like bringing Hinata food. Maybe? He could probably earn favors if he wanted.

_I didn’t seek Hinata-kun out for this. But it would be a nice gesture. Right?_

Finally, Komaeda pushed himself up. It was a bit chilled despite the sunny sky, so he kept the blanket wrapped around him, still warm likely from shared body heat. He shivers.

_The courteous thing to do would be to gather my clothes and leave. Except I don’t want to go quite yet._

The room was cleaner than before with even the calendar properly marked up. There still wasn’t much else of note except the evidence of last night. And the folded up message that Komaeda finally plucked up.

_This is the room of someone of also questionable worth to Hope’s Peak. It’s only natural we were drawn together and that we’ll test the limits further._

He felt a little predictably sore, obviously, but he hadn’t a doubt in his mind that they’ll do more of this soon. The anticipation—makes him squirm a bit.

“...ehe. Hehe.” Giggling, he unfolds the paper. “Well, I should at least see what Hinata-kun wrote.”

It started off expectably.

_Hey, sorry. I ended up oversleeping so I had to hurry to class. If you want to eat anything, you’re free to my pantry. It’s no big deal._

“Hinata-kun’s so kind, ahaha... Ah... Huh?

_We should probably do this again, even if I’m not sure for how much longer we’ll be able to._

There were a couple of lines so viciously scribbled out that Komaeda couldn’t decipher them at all.

_If you decided you’re done, that’s fine too. You can forget all about me._

_I think things would be better that way._

Komaeda frowns, refolding it.

“What a worrying and unfortunate remark to make.” _Still._ “I’m not done quite yet. Let’s keep pushing until we get bored, Hinata-kun.”

He should write that down in a message of his own, but he doubts his handwriting would be legible enough so he’ll just tell Hinata Hajime that to his face.

_Whatever will happen, if someone like me really is going to remain here and if our relationship really is going to continue, I want to see where it all leads up. It won’t be hope or despair, I’m sure, it’ll be something else._

And he can’t help but be curious about what.

Later, when he did talk to Hinata, he was sure that brief flicker of intensity in that hazel gaze suggested he felt the same.


End file.
